My Thoughts 12

I know I  know!! It has been a long time. I know exactly 2 months to the day. Well, I just read my last post I did and I am not happy with it. I blew every single goal I had. I used the kids as excuses not to do preaching work on the weekends or go to church. I said ok I will start my exercise program tomorrow, this will be the last time I eat late at night or snack late, I will start doing more around the house tomorrow, I will, I will, I will, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes.
Ok the truth I must tell. I must be 100% honest with myself and everyone else who is reading this if anyone is. I hate myself, I look in the mirror and do not like what I see, yet I will not do anything about it. Why you may ask? Here goes the honesty: I am lazy, self-centered, boring, over-eating, fat, stubborn, and not worth much. Ouch that hurts, doesn't it? Well, no to be truthful. I knew all along but was afraid to amitt it. Ok one at a time. 1. I am Lazy= I have been told that for so long I have become lazy and have chosen for all these years to prove it. Action to take now= get off my tuft and do something, anything it does not matter what just do something . 2. Self-centered= I never really thought of my self as that until now. I only have friends if they can do something for me, no no I do not mean that. I mean if I feel good being around them and they make me look better or I feel they need me because they can not function without me or they can need me in some way. Action=realizing I am just a needy person and learn to do it myself or not be so needy. How you may say. First I gave up about 4 people in my life who I thought I had to have in it. Turns out they were the needy ones. I could not say no to them for any reason. It took my husband to do that for me. 3. Boring= I have no talents or can not  do what others do. Action= get off my tuft and do something I love to do and make it work. I found out I can draw. Well kinda I need more work at it but it is there. I love arts and craft so why not do something with it? Yes I do have talent. I may not be able to draw famous comics or manga like my ex or the 12 yr old I babysit, I may not be able to crafts like Martha Stewart but I have something there so why not go for it. 4. Over-eating= I eat ever chance I get. Why, bored, angry, sad, depressed, happy, celebrating, moody. Well just about every second of the day. Why? I am an emotional eater!  I will amit that. Action= Learn food is not a reward. Find something I like or passionate about and use that as a reward. Ok I love scrapbooking and animals. So when I reach a goal such as loose 5 pounds I will buy that cute animal print scrapbook I saw as  such and such store. I must learn I do not have to eat with husband at 1am in the morning or snack so much. 5. Fat= yes I am fat. No I am not plump, not rolly polly, not boney, not big boned, just FAT! I am overweight and I must learn to deal with it. Action= learn why I am fat.  It all started my senior yr of high school. I was a size 14 not too bad for my age and height. then it hit, bad relationship, broke up after 2 1/2 yrs, father was cheating on step mom, divorce was in the works, my best friend was moving away and then I learned we were moving away. New state, new town, new people.  So I ate and ate, and then ate some more. So there we were moving, last my relationships with friends and much more my whole life was changing.  Then it happened, my mom called and introduced me to my now husband. Things were good for a while then it went south. I will not bore you with details. Now 17 yrs later. I weigh 183 pounds, size 18. Action= Stop eating to feel better. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Grow up and learn food is not a reward. Hey I said that already. yes it is true. I need that one twice. 6. Stubborn= yes I amit that one too. Ever since I can remember I have been. I was told by everyone who knew me I was. Even my friends and boyfriends did. That is why my last relationship ended so badly I was to stubborn to amit how I felt about that person and it ruined it all. I could not stand up to people who I knew I should have like my dad or my friends. Stubborn in every way I know how. Someone told me not to do it I did it, someone told me I was lazy ok I proved them right I became lazy.  7. Not worth much= no one loves me, I am just a sex object to men because I have big breast, and a big butt. My family likes my other cousins or aunts and uncles better than me. I am an alone child with no kids so I am not worthy of the in-laws. I can never measure up to them. Action= I AM WORTHY! I must be or I would not have a marriage who out lived every single one of my husbands siblings marriages, well almost. I may not have children but at least I can pick up and go anywhere if the need be. I must mean something to someone or they would not have taken 10 yrs to get over me or be in a relationship and think of me all the time, or call me from work just to say I am thinking of you and love you. I must be worth something because God created me for some reason. Now to find that reason, what it is I do not know yet but one day I will. So until that day I will take one day at a time and remember I can never fail if I never quit. So to all those goals I had for last year and now this year, It is over. A new start and new beginning. Goals for this year,  I will take one day at a time, I will never quit what I start, I will keep trying at whatever it is I want to achieve be it weight loss or writing that novel or having kids, or anything I put my mind too.  I have made a few mistake this past year and with my health being sick this year with strep throat, it is time to get on track again and try once more. Once more without relying on other people, without excuses, and without being stubborn.  Here is a latest pic of me I really hate it as it shows my belly fat but thought it was a good start to help me get to the next goal.

New Year New thoughts

Ok it is a new year, a new start to a new beginning. I started out writing this for my own self worth and to atone for all I did in the year. Well I got behind and never did accomplish all I set out to do. but this year is a new start. So far I started doing a 90 day challenge to loose weight this time witht he help of my online group. I weight in ever Saturday and account for everything I do each day. I also set a challenge for a month not to eat fast food and no soda. So far I have gone a week without either. I am trying not to snack after 9pm or eat a late dinner ( as we tend to do since hubby works later and never gets home before 1am).  I also vow to devote me free time doing my work for God as my religion requires me to do. I need to be out there in the preaching work more. I hope to be out there at least 20 to 30 hours a month working my way up to auxiliary pioneer. My goal for the next 6 month if not sooner is to loose between 50 and 60 lbs. Which is about a lbs a day. not unreasonable. I have several videos to get me start: Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30,  about 10 Richard Simmons, Melt It Off, Turbo Jam, and so I will have about 6 Bob Harper Videos as well.Just waiting for them to arrive in 14 days. So this is a good start. I also have the wii balance board now which I have Jillian Michaels 2009 video and wii fit plus.  Enjoying them both. Ok it is off to get hubby to work and wait for the girls to get here as I am babysitting today. Will write more later.
Danyelle Webber
A New Year A New Start.
You can never fail if you never quit.

ok this is the latest pic of me. I really hate this one and thought this would be a good one to use as a reminder of how I never want to look again. It was taken last weekend at the park with the kids. this outfit is being burned! So here I go!!!

New Thoughts

This is from my facebook wall. I commented on a friends post. Hope this helps everyone.Janis Petzold Not to offend anyone but this is what I believe. I am sick and tired of every year when CHRISTMAS comes around; there are people who want to take CHRIST out of CHRISTMAS. It might offend someone. Well how about all of the CHRISTIANS? What about offending us because you are taking our CHRIST out of CHRISTMAS!?!? CHRIST IS CHRISTMAS!!! If you aren't celebrating CHRIST then why are you celebrating? CHRISTMAS is about the birth of our SAVIOR! CHRISTMAS is one of a few holidays left that celebrate my CHRIST! Leave my holiday alone!!! And tell everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holidays!
Repost if you’re not ashamed




Danyelle Webber I disagree. It is not about Chris. read the Bible nowhere does it say to celebrate Jesus birth. First off he was not born in Dec. It was not Wise men who come to see him in the manager. He was born in fall; shepards were living out doors, not in snow. The wise men were astrologers who were sent by king Herod to kill Jesus. The star you use on your so called xmas trees was the star used by Satan to guide the astrologer to kill Jesus. The only birthdays mentioned in the Bible were a king who was please by the daughter of his slave and asked her what she wanted in turn for her services. she replied, John the Baptist head on a silver platters. so he had him killed and then beheaded

Danyelle Webber the second was another king who was not pleased by his cupboard make he had him killed on his birthday. Dec 25 is actually a pagan holiday. in order to get them to convert to Christendom a monk came up with this holiday. when the astrologer found Jesus he was not even a baby, he was a small child in his house. last but not least Santa has nothing to do with Jesus so why would you want to worship or idolize him in the same sentence as Jesus let alone believe in him

Danyelle Webber If you do not believe me here are the scriptures to back all this up: Luke 2:8, Luke 22:17-20, 1 Corinthians 11: 23-26, John 4:23, Deuteronomy 18: 10-12, Matthew 2:11, 1-8, 16, 2 Thessalonians 2: 9-10, Ephesians 4: 25, Zechariah 8:19, Psalms 15:2. Please read all these first before you act or get mad.




Danyelle Webber this is why I do not celebrate Christmas or any other so called religious holidays. God does not say anywhere in the Bible to worship or celebrate anyone including other Gods or his son Jesus at all. He is the only one to get all the worship and praise. He does however tell us we should each yrs remember what his son Jesus did for us. (his death) so once a yr around Nissan 14th we commemorate his death.

Danyelle Webber p.S. not everyone is christian, this time of year Jews celebrate Chanukah, Pagan celebrate Yule, and then the African American have kwanza. So do not accept everyone to wish you a Merry Christmas, let alone Happy Holidays. Some of us do not celebrate any holidays, so if we do not respond to your holidays wishes please do not get offended just respect our wishes as we respect yours.



　

Me and My Thoughts 12

Today is a brand new day and a new week. So what are we to do? I had a wake up call this morning. it was a hard one. I cried for a while and realize I need to let go and Let God do his thing. it is a hard lesson I had to learn today.
OK let me go back a few yrs. let's say 8 yrs. I was doing great working at Pizza Hut, had a nice house and a great husband. Well I met this girl at work and she (long story get into that another time) introduced me to Wicca/witchcraft. i thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. I was happy (so I thought). I was always online with my wiccan friends and doing lots of spells and so much more. I even had a 9 foot circle in my back yr with an altar set up and the whole 9 yrs. Well i was so into this new found nature-based religion that I was not being the wife I should be. I got on computer the minute husband left work and was still on it long after he went to bed. i got only minimal sleep each night. I even joined a school to learn wiccan related things such as wands 101, tarot reading 101 and carnelian tradition 101 and 102. I was having the time of my life. I finally found the religion of my dreams. I could worship God or many gods as I see fit. then to boom hit. Husband was angry, we fought all the time, he made his own dinners, cleans the house and even went back and forth to work alone. he started to have an affair. He wanted a divorce. So I began the process to give it to him. Well to say the least it did not happen. I fought for my marriage. I fought hard. yet I was still doing Wicca/witchcraft and hubby was still hating it. He could not even walk beside me in the grocery store. I was a joke. Then finally I got a wake up call, a knock on the door. I was not ready for it. A friend of my fathers was standing there ready to offer me a Bible study. OK Dad just to please you I will do it. it was ok I mean I learned this all as a child so I did not take it to seriously. I missed the studies time and time again. Well she went back up north and we moved so she had a hard time finding me again. but low and behold she did a few yrs later. this time I said ok let's try this again. Marriage was rocking, living was rocking and my new found religion was a joke to Hollywood and everyone else around.  So ok I started the Bible study and I began to love the company I was in, loved the words that I read and started loving Jehovah again. I was in a chapter about spiritism and I broke down. A hard breakdown! I started getting rid of everything I owned that dealt with spiritism and so on, i even burned my BOS(book of Shadows). I attended meetings at the Kingdom Hall and then started going out in service.
So there I was having the time of life learning to love Jehovah again but what was missing? Oh yes my husband being as happy as I was. So he came one day and started asking question and next thing I knew he was having his own study.  Well it was time I was almost done with my second book and I was at a meeting when Jehovah hit me in the head and say "Go For It!" get baptized. I talked tot he local elder and set up the meetings. But that night was the worse night of my life, so I thought. Satan did not want to hear I was leaving him and joining Jehovah. i had to worse nightmare, it was so vivid. It made my heart race and my body sweat so bad the sheets were soaked. I vowed then and there to Jehovah for help that I was going to do this no matter what stood in my way. Well July 24, 2010 I was baptized.
OK back to date. A yr later I started having doubts again and questioning every move the organization did and why I could not do certain things. I talked to a friend who had the same questions and then I stood back about 4 months. I stopped going to meetings, stopped doing the preaching work and did not associate with anyone. So there I was unhappy again. my questions unanswered. So after talking to a friend who decided not to be a witness, I felt I needed answers of my own. So I went to the only source I knew to be true the Bible,  It was not easy finding the answers, yet it was easy. i just had to look at the right place and ask the right questions.  I found them. it took a while.  About 6 months.
By this time I was starting to loose weigh 5 pounds, 10 pounds, and so on. slowly going back to meetings and friend still questioning me on certain things. She told me if I am doubting my religion I should not be doing certain things in that religion. Ok I get it. how can I preach a religion I have doubts in. the more and more time I spent with my friend the more and more I began to appreciate her and her views and see everything she is going through. She left Jehovah and now she is miserable. I was not. I had a happy marriage friends in the congregation who loved me and no worries. Then an other friend got me in public and changed all that. She put down my marriage, my friends in the religion and even the religion itself. So I gave my husband the permission and he told her off and ended that friendship, even if it meant loosing not just her but also her son and my stepfather. I cried inside for a week.
Well I was having a couple small doubts but knew what I had to do, get back full force and pick up were I left off. It was not until this morning it happened, another nightmare. this time involving people who I knew and loved.  Will not go into detail at this time. I woke up in tears and cried a few minutes. and now I am here.  This is the hardest thing I will have to do, after tomorrow, I will have to say No more often and devote my life to Jehovah and my husband more. Friends who do not spiritually help me will either have to go or be put on the back burner. I will have to give up a few things like game apps and purge more in my house to get rid of anything with the hint of Satan in it.  Even it that means loosing a few friends in the process. I just hope they understand and respect me for it. I WILL N OT LET SATAN WIN!!!!!!  So as of today if you are deleted from my life please do not take it personally. I am doing what I feel is right and in my heart. I hope if we meet again someday you can forget me and understand why this had to be this way,
Love Danyelle-Maria Michelle-Dawn Adams-Webber
Dedicated to Jehovah for the second time Sept. 18, 2011.
May God give you the strength you need to go on in this world and to be the best you can be in his eyes for his will and for his kingdom.

Me and My Thoughts 11

I found this website and thought I should share it. I even added my own thoughts and posted ont he site. I can not for the life of me understand why so many people are angry at JWs. They should be angry at Satan for all the evil that came to their hearts that made them turn away from God.

Tim Martin

Hello, my name is Timothy Babcock and I wanted to breifly share my story. I was adopted at the age of three, and grew up on a small country family farm in Upstate NY. My adoptive mother died when I was 18. From the earliest times I can recall, my adoptive father swore at me, called me terrible names, he hit me, once in the head with his closed fist, and with all the power he could put behind it. Week after week, Month after month, year after year, for about roughly 15 years, I was told I was worthless, I was told I could never do anything right. I was called Bastard, SOB, even called a cock sucker. All of this from a man who was a baptized witness. I left home in March of 1992,...at the age of 26. I had stayed home until that age for two reasons, the second reason being the most powerful one. 1. I stayed home, because after mom had died I didnt want dad to be alone. 2. I was afraid to leave home. I believed that he had the right to find me and bring me back home had I left. I didnt know I had rights at the age of 26!!! I had been told for so many years that I could never leave home!

Anyway, today, I have nothing to do with my entire family, adoptive and biological. They all try to tell me that the abuse is just something I made up! They all have turned the ears away from the truth. Me? I have to move on, even if it means being completely alone. I have nothing to do with Jehovah's Witnesses to this date. I have turned myself away from all religion, not even having a desire to join a church, as in my mind, anymore,..they are all FAKE! Thank you.

Mike Zeman

Tim,
Thanks for sharing your story. I believe all JW's are victims of different degrees of abuse or at the very least, mind control. I am sorry that you had to endure such a hard life. There are many good people out there. And many, like myself, want to help other ex-JW's realize that there is hope and freedom outside the Society. I disagree with your statement that ALL churches are fake. Many, if not most are. But that would mean that ALL people are fake, because churches are made up of people.
I wish you the best and feel free to ask me about any questions regarding the JW's or anything else.

Tim Martin

LOL,. I have to say, that I'm not surprised at all with the lack of responses to my life story. It's been a pretty reliable experience that people just dont care. I know that I'm not the only one on Earth that was abused, but my life story is just as valid as anyone elses, unless,...I'm wrong, like always!

Jan Pierce

Thansk for sharing Tim I believe you and I'm sorry that you went through that. If youre not in therapy already, go, and put this shit in the proper perspective in your life. The JW's are a sorry bunch. I hope the best for you. Visit silentlambs.org you'll find more sincerity for your circumstances there.

Debra Jones

Tim;
My name is Debra Jones, and I live in Winnipeg MB Canada now. I haven't enough tears for the abuse suffered at the hands of these mind twisting JW's. I was born and raised by JW parents, but I wasn't smart enough to leave till I was 27yrs old. My Biological Mother and Sister had left many years earlier. But my Brother went through very much the same abuse you speak of by my Father. I too want to, or feel the need for companianship, and a family. I am 36 years old now though, the clock seams to be ticking and I'm still dealing with PTSD (Poast Traumatic Stress Disorder) every day of my life. I care deeply for others, and I always wanted to be a nurse or a Therapist for others who deal with these wounds. I want you to know, someone does care. I Care. You are not alone' I see over 100 web sites like this one, just within Canada and USA. I hope you find your way, I want you to feel better, but I know how hard that is.

Bianca Troy

You have been thru a lot up until the age of 26 and now you are doing your own thing which sounds like the best thing ever because now you can learn and move on. It takes time but every day you can make positive choices, will take time but is worth it!! I don't like religion either!
I can see how you we're afraid and intimidated, sounds like you have been abused and neglected but you are the one in control of your life now and can make the best decisions for you! There are so many abused people in this world and very little any of us can do other than alert social services, teachers, police etc
Everyone needs to make sure they stay balanced and strong with a support group around them! ie. Friends, counsellors etc

Tim Martin

Hi, everyone. Wow, I'm excited that this topic went somewhere. I've never felt i had a voice before, this may take some getting used too. Thanks so much for the respones, Jan, Deb, Mike, how much this means to me. I too have PTSD, when I learned of this, it was hard to swallow.

I do pretty good most of the time on Paxel. I have noticed when I miss a day or two of my dogages, It's fast how I revert back to where I was. It's almost like I need to have the drug to keep, Mr.Hyde at bay.

From time to time, I still have the recurring dreams where I am hiding from Carl, in abandoned old cars, or in a field of tall grass. It's crazy.But I keep pluggin along,....

Mike Zeman
I hope we can be of some help. I am sorry that you have had such a hard time with your transition. It was very hard for me for a while. I had some great people to lean on.

Hope you get some more support on JWR. It is great.

Danyelle Webber

there are ups and downs in every religion. If you choose to believe and live by that religion that is your choice. I was born a witness, was away many yrs as a teen and now at the age of 36 I can not phathom why so many people are angry. I love my congregation. When I was to be baptized last yr, my car broke down 300 miles away from home. A few members pitched in and helped us get back and forth, gave us money for food each day and also helped us home. They ever rented a hitch helped us get back there to get our car and even fixed it. I know of no other religion or church I have been in who has done so much. The abuse I hear which I know a few of, are from people who claim to be witnesses and do not live the lifestyle as this is not just a religion it is a lifestyle change. I was doing witchcraft, smoking pot, and drinking and I almost had an affair. When I started studying 2 yrs ago again, I stopped smoking, threw away most of the witchcraft junk and started loving my husband more. I hate where I live in Florida but I only stay because I and my husband love our congregation. 3 yrs ago I spent 3 months making xmas cards for all my friends got noen in return, bought gifts for everyone's b-day, got nothing in return, and so on. Now I have money in my pocket, love in my heart and would not trade my religion for any other. I had doubts for a while and lots of questions, I stepped back a few months and researched all questions I had. All answers were in the Bible. Examples: why can't women preach on the podem? Answer God put men in charge for a reason and do I really want to be the one on the podem telling people what to do or preach his words while everyone is watching me and my actions. Heck No! I preach I preach more than most men in the congregation as most have to support their families. My husband and I now have a better marriage. He is my best friend, my soulmate. We have daily text reading together and pray each day. I feel if any religion can help me do this why would I want to change or leave. Yes no religion is perfect as we are all human and not Jesus. So if you feel it is not right for you then by all mean leave. You must agree and believe everything you are taught or you will be miserable. Both my uncle and mom left. My mom died miserable and my uncles are happy. So it is how and what you make of it. If the congregation you are in makes you unhappy try another one. and if you are still unhappy that religion is not for you. my best friend went with us in June tothe district convention this yr. She was unsure if she want to be a witness or not even after studying 10 yrs. She got her answers at the convention. She has a few convetions she is not willing to compromise on so she is choosing not to become a witness. I do not hate her or feel depressed for her. We stil talk religion and never belittle each other's opinion on certain things. She still wil not celebrate xmas or do b-days andshe prays every day to Jehovah and reads her Bible. This did not change that for her. She is not angry or disappointed in her choice. So I am happy for her. Even though most of my family turned their back on Jehovah I still love them. My dad and step mom and grandmother are proud of me. I just hope in time everyone who was so called hurt by this religion can let go and let God take it. I pray everyday for everyone that they find their own hearts and find God in one form or another because he does work.

My Thoughts 10

In June I started working out and was at 190 pounds and had a BMI level of 37. Now i weigh 175 and have a BMI level of 34. I got some exercise tapes I like, do that a few times a week. I also bought the Shake Weight, Two 2 pound balls, a medicine ball 55", and Jillian Michaels kettle bells. I also joined the Biggest Loser Club.com for 3 months it cost $39. I also write down everything I eat each day. I started a blog as well to help keep my thoughts in order when i get frustrated. I do eat healthier, food is not my life anymore, when I get mad or sad I write on my blog. I put pics of me at 190 pounds all over the house and car. I also put a pic of someone who inspires me on my fridge on cell. I also bought the NuWave Oven which cooks food healthier and faster. I hope this help anyone who is reading.  The pics are of me after I lose 15 pounds so far. Will keep adding more as I loose.

My Thoughts 9

   I know I have been away awhile. I did a lot of soul searching. I had a long chat with a soon to be ex-friend and realize who my true friends are. People can not call themselves friends if put down your relationships and religion down. That is the last straw. It does not matter if you are drinking or sober. It is not done. So things are going to rapidly change and I hope it goes well. I choose my marriage and religion. Friends come and go. I need friends in my life who will better it and not tear it down. I think it is time for all of us to step back a few minutes and evaluate our lives and relationships and decide who and what will benefit you better. I am not saying if you do not have something to offer me I leave you behind. I am saying if you hinder my life and relationships with my marriage or God then it is time to say good- bye.
   OK today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am getting rid of a lot of baggage in my life. Useless friends, food and items. I am simplifying my life. I started in June weighing 190 pounds. Now I weigh 175 pounds. My goal is to weigh 120 to 130. I am 5 feet 0 inches tall. I am at BMI level 34. When I first started my exercise program I was at BMI level 37. So that is a great start. So we will see where I go from here. OK time to take hubby to work and then for me to start my workout for the day.