Ok the truth I must tell. I must be 100% honest with myself and everyone else who is reading this if anyone is. I hate myself, I look in the mirror and do not like what I see, yet I will not do anything about it. Why you may ask? Here goes the honesty: I am lazy, self-centered, boring, over-eating, fat, stubborn, and not worth much. Ouch that hurts, doesn't it? Well, no to be truthful. I knew all along but was afraid to amitt it. Ok one at a time. 1. I am Lazy= I have been told that for so long I have become lazy and have chosen for all these years to prove it. Action to take now= get off my tuft and do something, anything it does not matter what just do something . 2. Self-centered= I never really thought of my self as that until now. I only have friends if they can do something for me, no no I do not mean that. I mean if I feel good being around them and they make me look better or I feel they need me because they can not function without me or they can need me in some way. Action=realizing I am just a needy person and learn to do it myself or not be so needy. How you may say. First I gave up about 4 people in my life who I thought I had to have in it. Turns out they were the needy ones. I could not say no to them for any reason. It took my husband to do that for me. 3. Boring= I have no talents or can not do what others do. Action= get off my tuft and do something I love to do and make it work. I found out I can draw. Well kinda I need more work at it but it is there. I love arts and craft so why not do something with it? Yes I do have talent. I may not be able to draw famous comics or manga like my ex or the 12 yr old I babysit, I may not be able to crafts like Martha Stewart but I have something there so why not go for it. 4. Over-eating= I eat ever chance I get. Why, bored, angry, sad, depressed, happy, celebrating, moody. Well just about every second of the day. Why? I am an emotional eater! I will amit that. Action= Learn food is not a reward. Find something I like or passionate about and use that as a reward. Ok I love scrapbooking and animals. So when I reach a goal such as loose 5 pounds I will buy that cute animal print scrapbook I saw as such and such store. I must learn I do not have to eat with husband at 1am in the morning or snack so much. 5. Fat= yes I am fat. No I am not plump, not rolly polly, not boney, not big boned, just FAT! I am overweight and I must learn to deal with it. Action= learn why I am fat. It all started my senior yr of high school. I was a size 14 not too bad for my age and height. then it hit, bad relationship, broke up after 2 1/2 yrs, father was cheating on step mom, divorce was in the works, my best friend was moving away and then I learned we were moving away. New state, new town, new people. So I ate and ate, and then ate some more. So there we were moving, last my relationships with friends and much more my whole life was changing. Then it happened, my mom called and introduced me to my now husband. Things were good for a while then it went south. I will not bore you with details. Now 17 yrs later. I weigh 183 pounds, size 18. Action= Stop eating to feel better. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Grow up and learn food is not a reward. Hey I said that already. yes it is true. I need that one twice. 6. Stubborn= yes I amit that one too. Ever since I can remember I have been. I was told by everyone who knew me I was. Even my friends and boyfriends did. That is why my last relationship ended so badly I was to stubborn to amit how I felt about that person and it ruined it all. I could not stand up to people who I knew I should have like my dad or my friends. Stubborn in every way I know how. Someone told me not to do it I did it, someone told me I was lazy ok I proved them right I became lazy. 7. Not worth much= no one loves me, I am just a sex object to men because I have big breast, and a big butt. My family likes my other cousins or aunts and uncles better than me. I am an alone child with no kids so I am not worthy of the in-laws. I can never measure up to them. Action= I AM WORTHY! I must be or I would not have a marriage who out lived every single one of my husbands siblings marriages, well almost. I may not have children but at least I can pick up and go anywhere if the need be. I must mean something to someone or they would not have taken 10 yrs to get over me or be in a relationship and think of me all the time, or call me from work just to say I am thinking of you and love you. I must be worth something because God created me for some reason. Now to find that reason, what it is I do not know yet but one day I will. So until that day I will take one day at a time and remember I can never fail if I never quit. So to all those goals I had for last year and now this year, It is over. A new start and new beginning. Goals for this year, I will take one day at a time, I will never quit what I start, I will keep trying at whatever it is I want to achieve be it weight loss or writing that novel or having kids, or anything I put my mind too. I have made a few mistake this past year and with my health being sick this year with strep throat, it is time to get on track again and try once more. Once more without relying on other people, without excuses, and without being stubborn. Here is a latest pic of me I really hate it as it shows my belly fat but thought it was a good start to help me get to the next goal.
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